By Manny Roman
I was watching an interview regarding extraterrestrials. Yep, ET. The man being interviewed is an “expert” on the many ETs that have seeded and influenced the progress of mankind on earth. Obviously, my mind is open to anything, especially when I am bored.
I was surprised that the man had an amazing control of his verbal and nonverbal presentation. By this I mean that he appeared sincere and truthful over the seven or so one-hour episodes. Even trained politicians demonstrate signs of discomfort when conducting presentations or being interviewed. This man only showed discomfort when the interviewer said something that he had to clarify or correct. His discomfort appeared only during these times. It seemed to me that he was concerned for the interviewer’s feelings, not with what he was saying.
Either the man really does engage in ongoing contact with ETs, he actually believes it or he has extraordinary nonverbal control. Much has been said regarding communication including that the words themselves carry only about 7% of the message. For example: How do you interpret “Let’s eat, gramma” vs “Let’s eat gramma.” The words are the same, however how you say them, the tone caused by the comma, changes the meaning. Tone is said to carry 38% of the message. The remaining 55% of the message is conveyed by the nonverbal cues called the body language.
Some say that within five minutes you can evaluate people with 70% accuracy, which means that the other 30% can get you in much trouble. I subscribe to Barking Up The Wrong Tree by Eric Barker which is an the excellent newsletter. In “4 secrets to reading body language like an expert” he outlines ways that we get body language wrong.
- We ignore context: The defensive posture of crossed arms may be invalid if the room is cold. I have a friend that always crosses his arms when he is conducting standing communication, even when he is the presenter.
- We don’t look for clusters: A single gesture does not make a body language sentence. Scratching the side of the nose, or the corner of the eye may demonstrate discomfort with what they are saying, however look for additional confirming gestures. In my opinion, there must be at least three body language cues indicating consistency to have true meaning.
- Ignoring biases: Our personal biases may cloud our judgement. Do you already have a positive or negative feeling about the individual or similar circumstances, etc.?
Mr. Barker suggests that we focus on “unconscious behaviors that are not easily controlled and convey a clear message.”
- Mirroring actions: Mirroring is when individuals speak in a similar language, speed and tone as well as assuming continuously similar body positions. This is easy to observe and very difficult to fake.
- Activity levels: The level of activity indicates interest and excitement. Higher activity equals higher interest.
- Consistency of emphasis and timing: This signifies focus, control and confidence.
It is beneficial to establish a baseline of an individual’s actions and then note any unconscious deviations, in clusters of course. Communication is a relatively difficult process involving multiple factors which can easily be misinterpreted. Becoming more proficient at interpreting body language will enhance your ability to determine the real meaning.
Controlling your own will also help. I only touch my nose when I am alone speaking inside my head.
