By Manny Roman, CRES
As I write this column, the ICE Imaging Conference is being conducted in beautiful Nashville, Tennessee. I am not there and I realized that I am missing the people and friendships that we have nurtured over the many years of attending industry shows and conferences.
I don’t miss the travel hassles, nor do I miss the standing at a booth waiting for people. I miss the relationships building and camaraderie that these venues present to all attendees. An amazing part of this experience is that even though you may not see or speak to someone for months, as soon as you see them, you begin right where you left off the last time. It’s as if there was no break in between.
Then my thoughts go to: Are these people close friends or close business acquaintances? In my opinion true friendships are generally few and sometimes rare.
So, what are the rest of the people in your life? There exist many degrees of friendships and kinds of friendships. We may have many family members whom we love, yet there are always a very few special ones to us. It is the same way with our friends. We love them all, however a few just seem special to us. You cannot force friendship any more than you can force family members. Special friendships just happen. So, what follows are some observations on friendship.
Some friendships last only as long as it takes for one person to get what they want from the other. This is the Manipulative friendship where the question is, “What can you do for me?” The used person feels betrayed and the other person moves on to the next victim. Sometimes the used person allows himself to be used to retain the friendship. Ruth has this quote taped to her computer, “Don’t make someone a priority that only considers you an option.”
Some friendships are situational where friends are friends in specific situations or locations. When we attended the multitudes of shows and conferences in this industry, we had many friends during the shows. When we returned home, we did not keep up with most of them. This is the Business Associate friendship.
Another form of friendship is the Reciprocity friendship. One person helps another in some way and the helped individual feels a debt of gratitude. The friendship may last only as long as the debt is unpaid.
There is the Abusive friendship where an individual will do whatever is required to retain the friendship, even in the face of evidence that the recipient of the friendship is not deserving. The abused just keeps coming back for more and thus reinforces the abuser’s bad behavior. People stay in abusive relationships all the time.
A Conditional friendship is one where one person is allowed to remain in the relationship only as long as he continues to provide a requisite value to the other. When the individual’s value disappears or even diminishes, the other person begins the process of extracting himself from the relationship. When the conditions change, the relationship is done.
Unconditional friendship is one where there are no strings attached. The individuals work together symbiotically for the good of the friendship. The hearts and minds are open and sacrifices are made on behalf of the friendship without expectations. Although it may occasionally take effort to maintain this friendship, things mostly just appear to happen naturally. This friendship goes on and on effortlessly without regard for who may be benefitting the most at any particular point in time.
I am confident that there exist many other types of “friendships” and many variations of the ones I describe here. Is there a point to all this? Maybe. If I provided some food for thought, then I did well. If I brought attention to a faulty relationship or two, then I did well. If I brought attention to true friendships in your life, then I did well. If you think I am a rambling old man, then You did well.
To those friends and family that are now wondering where you stand, stop wondering. Believe me when I say that there is a chance that you just may be in the Special category. Let’s avoid an awkward moment by not discussing it further.
Manny Roman, CRES, is association business operations manager at Association of Medical Service Providers.
