As you may be aware, most of the content for what I write about here comes from “Internet research,” watching movies and shows on TV and live encounters with people. As I journey through my days, I often encounter some very common expressions that drive me nuts. I will tell you about them.
The first is “I want to …” as in “I want to thank you for everything you have done for me.” Why say it that way? I understand that the word expresses a need to thank, however if you really want to satisfy that need just say it. “I thank you for everything” actually communicates it way beyond the want. It’s as if the want is there but the actual expression of thanks is not. I want to thank you and I’m not really thanking you am I? I’m stopping short of the thanks.
Whenever I hear the “I want,” I always suspect that it is a cover up for not actually doing it. As if there is a hidden, alternate continuation to the phrase: “I want to tell you how much I appreciate you, but I won’t because I don’t.”
A follow up is when people say, “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you.” Then, they move on. Is it because they can’t tell you since they don’t appreciate you at all? If they can tell you, why not just tell you.
“I can’t begin to describe how glad I am that I met you.” I don’t have the words to properly express my gratitude.” To me, these sound rather hollow and evasive. Is it that you are not glad to have met me, or have no or little gratitude and, are avoiding the truth?
“You never know” is another minor irritant to me. What does that even mean? Will the answer or solution never be available? You say something and instead of just gently disagreeing and offering a reasoned rebuttal they throw out this nonsense. In my opinion this statement just means: “You’re point is too strong, I can’t think of anything relevant to say, so I will stop the conversation in its tracks.”
Note: Ruth asks, “Or does it mean that the recipient of a ‘You never know’ is too closed-minded to look deeper?” I should stop having her proofread my stuff.
I understand and accept that these expressions are entrenched in standard and even expected speech. I may be the only person that has issues with them. In my defense, I don’t really have a problem. I just tend to wonder about the meaning and intent which then interferes with the message itself. I’m spending valuable communication time thinking and wondering rather than actively listening.
While I’m at it, I also have meaning and intent questions when someone is talking and scratches their eye, or side of the nose, or rubs their chin. To me these are signs of discomfort with what they are saying or are about to say. I’m saying they are uncomfortable with the situation, not that they are fibbing. Pay attention and you will see this body language cue quite often, in real life of course. In movies, actors act as they are trained and will only show this when they want you to notice while the camera does a closeup to ensure you don’t miss it.
So, the bottom line is that I personally have quirks that interfere with good communication. I am aware of them and the consequences. And I can’t tell you how much I want to change. I want to tell you how much I appreciate you reading this and I can’t thank you enough for your support. •
Manny Roman, CRES, is association business operations manager at Association of Medical Service Providers.
