By Daniel Bobinski
It’s a new year, and lots of things are changing. However, if managers and leaders want their workplace to do well, at least one unchanging principle should be kept in mind.
To start, remember that management and leadership responsibilities require a different level of thinking from those working on the front line. For people who wear multiple hats, it’s easy to get into “production” mode. What I mean is we know production is important, so sometimes managers and even leaders step into doing what is needed to generate the products or services your organization provides. That may seem honorable, but if you’re in a management or leadership role, your core job responsibilities should not take a back seat to that. Not only does being a manager or leader require different levels of thinking, those roles also require a different set of skills.
Intangible skills, such as emotional intelligence, are important for everyone, but especially for managers and leaders. Research from more than 200 companies worldwide shows that in middle management and senior technical positions, two-thirds of the difference between being an average performer and a top performer is strong emotional intelligence (EQ).
That number goes even higher for senior management and leadership positions, where four-fifths of the difference between average and top performers is EQ.
Looking at it another way, managers and leaders with lower levels of emotional intelligence are less likely to be top performers. That’s because practicing emotional intelligence – especially at the managerial and leadership levels – helps everyone throughout the organization stay engaged and productive. Therefore, it makes sense that exercising EQ is important if managers and leaders want things to run smoothly.
Defining EQ
Multiple definitions of emotional intelligence (EQ) exist. Some are too long and therefore not useful because nobody is going to remember them. Other definitions emphasize controlling the emotions of others, which I don’t think is healthy and therefore do not recommend. In an effort to make emotional intelligence both practical and easily understandable, many years ago I created a straightforward definition that serves as a handy guide for learning and using EQ. Here it is:
Emotional Intelligence is the ability to perceive and assess one’s own and others’ emotions, desires and tendencies, and then make the best decision for all concerned to move forward.
Let’s break that down. First is the ability to perceive and assess.
- Perceiving is noticing something. Observing it. Hearing it. Sensing it.
- Assessing means evaluating what you perceived. It’s understanding what you observed.
OK, so when it comes to EQ, what are we supposed to perceive and assess? Our own and other people’s emotions, desires and tendencies. Let’s expound on that, because to be good at EQ, we must understand these things about ourselves as well as the people with whom we are interacting. However, as we break these down, let’s do it in reverse.
For tendencies, think behavioral tendencies and cognitive tendencies. To understand behavioral tendencies I like the DISC model. DISC assessments measure our preferred behavioral approach – our tendencies – in four areas.
- How we approach problems
- How we influence others
- Our preferred daily pace
- How we deal with rules and procedures
The DISC acronym helps us remember our tendencies in these four areas: Dominant (in the face of problems), Influencing (other people), Steady (in preferred pace), and Conscientious (with regard to rules and procedures). We can’t put people in a box, but a fundamental understanding of EQ means knowing that each of us has predictable tendencies in these four behavioral areas.
For cognitive tendencies, I like to use the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, or MBTI. This assessment identifies our tendencies in four cognitive areas:
- How one gets re-energized
- How one tends to perceive information
- How one prefers to process that information
- How one prefers to make decisions and live life
In both the behavioral and cognitive tendencies, we must remember not to put people in boxes, because people can and will adapt their behavioral and cognitive styles to fit different situations. Think about it. Most people don’t behave the same way while attending a football game as they would if attending a black tie event.
Accordingly, when I say perceive and assess ourselves and others, it’s an “in the moment” thing. People’s behavioral and cognitive styles can change depending on the situation.
Emotions and desires
Practicing good EQ means we must also perceive and assess our own and other people’s emotions and desires. Again, let’s look at these in reverse.
When it comes to understanding our desires, we’re really just answering the question, “What do I want?” Another way to ask it is, “What am I trying to achieve?” When it comes to perceiving and assessing others, this includes asking, “What does the other person want?”
Once we have answers to these questions, we can direct our thinking on how we can best move forward.
The last thing to perceive and assess is our own and the other person’s emotional status. Are we energized? Tired? Curious? Defensive? Angry? Fearful? Interested? Getting an idea of where we are emotionally – and also where the other person is – also helps us choose how to interact.
Moving forward
The last part of my EQ definition is deciding how to move forward in a way that’s best for everyone involved. Some EQ definitions I’ve seen advocate that our decision for moving forward should be based only on our own benefit. I disagree. I am a strong advocate for win-win thinking, because if we use emotional intelligence only for our own benefit, it won’t be long before others view us as selfish manipulators, not team players. Not exactly intelligent.
As you can probably ascertain, I believe practicing good emotional intelligence requires becoming a student of behavioral and cognitive styles. Once that knowledge is combined with a healthy dose of empathy – a desire to understand another’s situation and/or feelings – we help take our organizations to higher levels of productivity and effectiveness.
Daniel Bobinski, who has a doctorate in theology, is a best-selling author and a popular speaker at conferences and retreats. For more than 30 years he’s been working with teams and individuals (1:1 coaching) to help them achieve excellence. He was also teaching Emotional Intelligence since before it was a thing. Reach him by email at DanielBobinski@protonmail.com or 208-375-7606.
