Several key problems will always be detrimental to workplace success. Lack of a shared vision is one, but that issue rests squarely on the shoulders of people in leadership. From my perspective, the problem that causes damage at all levels in an organization is people who refuse to cooperate. Such people think their way is the right way, and they won’t listen to anyone else. They don’t adapt nor look for ways to be team players. They just expect others to bend to their style with a mindset of, “This is who I am – deal with it.” Left unaddressed, even one person displaying such an attitude can cause a company to crumble from within.
Allow me to share an example. I’ll call this guy Bill (not his real name). Even though he has a reputation as an uncooperative know-it-all, he’s is a mover-shaker who sees the big picture rather easily. Over the years, Bill has received several promotions, but those occurred in spite of his style, not because of it.
Bill’s problem is that he sees problems in everyone but not himself. He’s quick to say that the office manager needs to change how she does almost every aspect of her job, and the purchasing manager needs to take more initiative. In fact, when talking with Bill, you’ll hear him go on for several minutes about each of his peers, telling you what they need to change about themselves so they can be better. Yet when you ask Bill how he needs to improve, he hems and haws, then jokingly talks about how he needs to get more sleep because he’s working so hard.
Bill is blind to it, but the truth is that almost nobody likes working with him. His direct reports want to keep their jobs, so they don’t say much, but his peers and the people who work for his peers? To them, Bill is an annoying blend of arrogance and ignorance.
As one of his peers said, “Bill is the worst coworker I’ve ever had. Nobody likes being in the building when Bill is around.” Another coworker said, “We all put on our professionally polite face, but it’s nothing but a facade.”
How do I know these things? Because Bill’s boss asked me to work with him – to coach him. He wanted Bill to lose his rough edges and become more cooperative before other key people threw in the towel and quit.
As you may have heard before, employees usually don’t quit companies, they quit bad managers. Ironically, such managers can’t figure out why employees are leaving because they’re looking at everything else besides the mirror.
Trying to resolve this type of workplace problem can be a challenge by itself. Remember, ask these people where they can improve, and they usually insist that everything they do is just fine. If you have such people in your workplace, the solution should involve HR, but usually it comes down to an ultimatum. Something along the lines of, “You need to make some changes, or other changes will have to be made.” That’s what happened to Bill, and why he agreed to having a coach.
Of course, this can be a real problem when it’s the very top person in an organization who’s doing the offending, as there’s no one above him or her to do the confronting. But that’s the subject for an entirely different discussion.
Regardless, resolving these problems at any level is never easy. It’s not uncommon for the person’s self-defensive barriers to show themselves even more. Also, relationships can become strained as the offending party struggles to maintain positional dignity and power. The prevailing mindset is, “these methods got me here – why should I let them go now?” For these reasons and more, getting someone a coach or mentor is best done discretely.
By the way, sending someone to a training class may help some, but it’s rarely the cure. The same defensive tendencies tend to rear their ugly heads: “This touchy-feely stuff is for other people, not for me.”
The best solution for helping abrasive or uncooperative people is one-on-one mentoring or coaching. The reason? Such problematic behavior stems from insecurities, fears and an inability to connect interpersonal dots. Usually this is because nobody has ever taught them about the value of interpersonal skills. The concept of emotional intelligence is foreign to them.
In one-on-one mentoring or coaching, specific issues are addressed and specific behaviors – and their ripple effects – are evaluated. Accountability for improvement is a vital part of the process, and so is the goal of increasing the person’s capacity for empathy. Without focused accountability and a reason to change, old habits will remain, especially if the offending party is far up the chain of command. Remember, they may firmly believe their style got them to where they are.
One of the main reasons that one-on-one coaching works so well is that people can “save face” by dealing with their issues in private. That said, I am always clear to point out that having a coach is not the same as “seeing a shrink.”
If you have an uncooperative person (or persons) at your work, know that many certified management and executive coaches have experience resolving these problems. Multiple associations exist with certified coaches who can help your organization resolve issues of abrasive or uncooperative behavior.
For the record, my client Bill initially pushed back during his coaching sessions, but eventually he saw the value of adapting his style, and both his boss and his peers report that he’s much easier to be around now.
I’m a firm believer that workplace success is easier to achieve when people have a shared vision and employees are cooperative in working toward that vision. So, if you don’t have a shared vision, create one and share it. And if you have someone who’s uncooperative or abrasive, talk with HR about finding a coach to help that person out. Remember, the cause for their behavior is usually due to nobody ever teaching them what they needed to learn.
Daniel Bobinski, M.Ed. teaches teams and individuals how to use Emotional Intelligence, and his videos and blogs on that topic appear regularly at www.eqfactor.net. He’s also a best-selling author and a popular speaker at conferences and retreats. Reach him at daniel@eqfactor.net or 208-375-7606.
